After having the most brilliant birthday weekend, being spoiled rotten and having the most amazing friends and family in the world, it's now time to get serious. 20 is a grown up age so it's time to start acting like a grown up. I'm working harder at university, I'm making life goals and traveling plans with my wonderful friends. Things are starting to look up. I'm working harder and appreciating the little things, and the horrible stuff doesn't get to me anymore (well not too much anyway) - yes it's still hard and this depression is still lingering but things get better with time. I feel proud of myself and I know my Nan and Caroline would be too. It's time to embrace the happy, instead of being the numb, empty person I was before. It's time to welcome new relationships and build bridges with those I have lost touch with. It's a fresh start. 

Happy birthday to me!!!

I hate hate hate birthdays. Every year I'm let down. Those people who drop out at the very last minute, with some lame excuse or another, it makes me want to cancel the whole event. I'm so nary and pissed off right now, I wish I hadn't organised this stupid party now. 

There comes a time in your life when you just wake up. All of a sudden the skies are bluer and the grass is greener. You wake up from the dreams you've been living and life becomes a reality. 

That's what my first day of my second year of university has been for me. Bumping into M, starting my journalism course, reducing my work hours, it's all been the major wake up call that I have long needed. 

My heart stopped a little as I looked up to see M walking towards me. When he picked me up and pulled me into a heart crunching hug, I was breathless. My entire reality snapped back into focus as I realised the one thing I wanted more than anything else in the world was stood right before me, and that feeling had been there for months. He's the one. The only one.

Journalism started well, my tutor telling me to keep going with my blog. My future career paving it's way towards me with just the one module change. Reporting news, investigating news, creating news, it's my calling. 

Why can't I have the incredible career, the boy, the family. That's the dream. That's my dream. 

I wasted so much time thinking you were the one,

It shouldn't have taken me this long to be done,

I got tired of playing your silly little games,

You're still thinking that we're the same,

All it took was you cheating again,

And no, we cannot be friends,

Coz I'm not the only one to be getting hurt,

I'm the only one who's left in the dirt,

Behind your dusty tyre tracks,

And you just keep coming back, back

You're back again but for how long?

I think you know I'm not that strong,

I just wanted to be adored,

And instead I'm just being ignored,

I can't let you go even though I try,

Please let me go it's my turn to fly.

It's called a break up because it's broken

Thank you Amazon for recommending me this book. Thank you Gred Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt for writing this book. This book got me through some dark times. It helped me fully understand my break up with FWD, this book helped me to get over him, finally. From the authors of 'He's just not that into you' (which was created into a movie in 2009) the story tells of past relationships from both the male and female perspective. This helped me through all my break ups, and I even shared most of the wisdom onto my friends.
The title is enough to captivate me. It's so obvious and blunt, but it is the hardest part of a break up, accepting that it's over and moving on. While reading, I pictured myself standing there in front of my ex, releasing my emotions and telling them exactly how they destroyed me. The book encourages you to release your feelings, only to the right people. Basically, that boy/girl who dumped you doesn't want to hear about how they broke your heart.
My first thought was to keep an online diary, but I was tok scared of having my private thoughts unleashed for the whole world to see. So instead, I created a word document, and every negative thought I had went straight onto it. at the end of each month, I would print it out, destroy it, then delete the file. Pretty soon, the things that made me mad no longer had an effect on me. It was brilliant.
The authors know exactly what they're talking out, and they make you believe that anything is possible again.